Sunday, September 2, 2012

Another Why Behind ANR

I don't think I've explained myself correctly or given you the real, honest to God reason behind why I want to nurse. I believe it's only fair and very important to explain to you WHY I have the desire to nurse, what drives the motivation, and why I want to do it.

For me, part of breastfeeding another person is based in the desire to bring comfort. Being the altruist that I am, the idea of nurturing someone in a way that no one else in their life does, them depending on me for something only I can provide, and gaining sustenance and nourishment from me as nature intended the breast to function; those ideas are all very gratifying and I think it's why I love nursing so much. It's a way to calm anxiety, both mine and another person's, and the worries of everyday life seem to evaporate even if only for a short while. It's such an amazing and empowering thing to be able to provide that kind of comfort and solace for someone else.

As a reassurance, the part of me that wants to potentially have nursing clients has nothing to do with some sort of deficit in my LTANR relationship; what it does have to do with is the desire to bring happiness and comfort into someone's life. You see, there is no part of me that desires any sort of sexual gratification from these potential experiences. My LTANR partner is my sexual gratification.

Another part of my reasoning is that I don't want to become a burden on my partner, because the commitment and demand of an ANR is a great one. Last time we tried this, I became very sad because emotionally, it made our relationship both less and more stable. More stable because the bond and the connection we share strengthens, but it's also less stable because while an ANR is a healthy co-dependence, it's still a co-dependence. If the breasts are not emptied often enough they become painful and sore, and that can cause resentment between us, which is the last thing I want; and if I'm not feeling up to it, am sore, etc, then it can also cause resentment on his end because nursing is a time period in which we, as a couple, experience a release of anxiety (oxytocin i.e. the cuddle hormone).

I understand, respect, and appreciate that his main concern for me is for my safety. That being said, I had a revelation regarding this: since it's a concern, therein lies the potential for resolution and for calming irrational fears, I was wondering if there was anything I could do to alleviate his concern? For instance would it make him feel more at ease if he were to screen and meet potential clients? Would he feel better if he were present so that he could actively protect me? Would his fears alleviate if it were to take place in our own home? These are the sort of things I would like to ruminate on.

<3 Mir

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